We Is Full Grown

A new study by UK’s leading sociologists have concluded that if you want to find happiness in later life, it is best to avoid puppy love altogether.

I don’t usually like to include characters from my own personal love life as examples (unless you’re this guy… or this guy), mostly because I promised them I wouldn’t, and it’s tacky. But I will say that those Brits are onto something. I may or may not have been with someone in the maybe not so distant past, in which there may have been a hypothetical relationship largely based on butterflies, of the intestinal sort.

In the end, it was him, not me, and maybe we loved, but weren’t in love. (or something like that)

I can’t say that my current relationship is in any way shadowed by the shallow affections and junior highness of that former flame, but I’ve learned that puppy love is a lot of work, and a lot of compromise, and prime brain real estate, and a lot of undeserved fawning.

Puppy love is fucking stressful, and let’s face it, nothing good ever comes of it. I’m ready for relationships based on, I dunno, maturity, respect, realistic expectations, communication and all those other things Cosmo says. Also, I’m ready to trade in hallway notes for other fun presents. I’m the farthest thing from a needy girlfriend, but sometimes girls like presents. And like L’Oreal, I’m worth it.

To quote one of my dearest friends: Imma get mine, in ’09. amen.

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